Caregiving: Shared Filial Responsibility: The Family as the Primary Caregiver

In this study, fifty pairs of sisters were interviewed face-to-face and answered questions regarding their parents and how they worked with their siblings to meet their parents' care needs. They all have at least one parent over the age of 75 and only one of the sisters was employed.  The researchers identified five styles of participation and three factors that helped determine which style was used (Matthews & Rosner, 1988).
 
The five styles of participation include:

1. Routine-Some of the siblings provide regular assistance for their parent(s). For instance, the daughter may be routinely call their parent(s) twice a day or take them shopping every Wednesday.
2. Backup-Some of the siblings did not provide routine care, but the siblings who did knew they could count on them if needed.  For instance, one sister does not provide routine care, but when her sisters ask her to pick up mom's prescription, she will do it. However, this sister does not initiate involvement. She waits to be told what to do.
3. Circumscribed-Some of the siblings help with just one area of caregiving and they are not expected to do anything else by their siblings. An example of this is how my father calls his step-father every Monday night to talk and this is all his sisters depend on him to do. Another example, is if a sibling is a physician, they are sometimes only called upon to help with medical advice and that is all.
4. Sporadic-Some of the siblings only provided sporadic care for their parents. For instance, a brother occasionally took their mother out for lunch on Sundays. The siblings who provided more routine care still felt that sporadic care was valuable.
5. Dissociation-Some of the siblings did not help care for their parents in any way. Often, these siblings had dissociated themselves from the whole family. In one situation, a brother no longer had contact with his mother, but did talk to his siblings.

The factors that affected the level of caregiving by participation included, family structure, family history, and extrafamilial ties.

1. Family structure- The number of siblings and their gender affected what kind of style would be adopted and which siblings would adopt it. Twenty-three of the pairs of sisters were the only children and were more likely to use the routine style of care and occasionally used the backup style. In the twenty-seven other families, additional styles were used. Each of the five styles was utilized by both brothers and sisters, but gender affected the likelihood of a particular style. Daughters generally provided more routine care than sons. The back-up style was primarily used by sisters and dissociation style was more common among sons.

2. Family history- Three aspects of family history were discussed. They were seniority, feelings the siblings had for one another and personality characteristics, such as the ability to deal with a crisis. The authors were surprised family history had less effect on the care provided to their aging parents.  Family history issues did affect how the siblings related to one another, but did not appear to deter them from meeting family obligations.

3. Extrafamilial Ties-This factor looked at ties that each sibling had to others, such as employers, spouses and children. The authors broke this down into time available to provide routine care and if the sibling had a spouse this sometimes added more issues to being able to provide care. In regards to time, the authors looked at the geographical proximity of the child and the parent. Travel time was a big factor whether a sibling provided routine care. Employment was also a factor, however it put constraints on when care was provided, but did not necessarily decrease the chances of routine care. Interestingly, one of the most important competing ties that adult children had was to their spouses. Children were not as important, since they were expected to accept their parents' priorities. The 90 sons-in-laws and 21 daughters-in-laws were either actively supportive, indifferent, or antagonistic(Matthews & Rosner, 1988).

Prior research focused on only one child as the primary caregiver for their parent(s). This was one of the first articles to look at how all siblings work together and what factors affect their ability to help care for their parents. Looking at your siblings, can you  guess which styles of participation they will have in the future as you parents age? What style do you think you will have? What factors apply to you and your family?

(Matthews & Rosner, 1988) 

Matthews, S.H., Rosner, T.T. (1988) Shared Filial Responsibility: The Family as the Primary Caregiver. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 50 (1), 185-195.

Caregiving: Sibling Influence on Care Given by Children to Older Parents

This study had a sample of 186 older parents in need of care with at least two adult children. The 186 participants consisted of 66 males and 120 female care recipients between the ages of 63 and 91 who lived independently. The study examined how  siblings' behaviors and characteristics influenced another child's level of care for their parents. The author's discuss how intergenerational solidarity framework is commonly used to explain the determinants of  parent-child caregiving (Tolkacheva, Groenou, & Tilburg, 2010;  Bengtson & Roberts, 1991 ). Some of the determinants discussed included being a daughter, being geographically close, not having a job or other competing family needs, being emotionally close, and having frequent contact with parents predicted how much children assisted their parents (Tolkacheva et al., 2010).

This study tested three hypothesis. The first hypothesis is: To the extent that siblings provide care with higher intensity, an individual child will provide care with higher intensity as well. The authors discuss literature that supports their hypothesis. They discuss how even if siblings do not have direct communication with each other, everyone normally knows what the other siblings are doing for mom and dad. They also discuss the norm of sibling solidarity which creates a sense of mutual responsibility and collaboration for their parents' care.  

Results for hypothesis 1: Their findings suggest the existence of sibling solidarity when siblings are caring for their aging parents. They found that siblings did increase the level of care they provided when prompted either by another sibling or their parent. However, the authors did suggest that the greater the parent's care needs the more difficult it is for the siblings to keep up with the level of care their siblings are providing.


Their second hypothesis is: The more siblings, but in particular the more sisters there are, the less intense each child's caregiving is likely to be, regardless of the child's own gender. Again, the author's discuss literature that supports their hypothesis. Prior research shows that a child has to provide less care for their parent in larger families. As discussed in a previous blog, daughters tend to be the primary caregivers for their aging parents. The more sisters you have the lower the number of hours of care you will have to provide for your parents. However, in only-child or single-gendered families, there appears to be equality of amount of caregiving hours and the kinds of caregiving activities provided. This suggests that both sons and daughters behave differently if there are daughters in the family who can care for their parents.

Results for hypothesis 2: The authors state that this hypothesis was partly confirmed. They did find that a child provides less care when he or she has sisters. However, the number of brothers did not seem to affect a child's caregiving. Caregiving does appear to be dependent on a child's gender. The author's state, "sibling solidarity is therefore shaped by the availability of sisters in the sibling group" (p.753). 

Their third hypothesis is: An individual child provides less care if his or her siblings have characteristics that are more conducive to caregiving. The author's state, "Sibling solidarity can be shaped by the characteristics of siblings" (p.743).  Characteristics are not defined as personality traits (That's what I first thought they were talking about). Characteristics are similar to the determinants used within the intergenerational solidarity framework. For instance an individual child will provide less care if they have siblings who do not have family or job responsibilities, live closer, or have an closer emotional relationship wit their parent.

Results for hypothesis 3: They found a strong correlation between the determinants of siblings with partners and average frequency of emotional support exchanges between siblings and a parent as significant predictors of a child's caregiving. Children appear to take on caregiving responsibilities when their siblings have other demands, such as having a partner or when they have an emotionally poor relationship with a parent. Sibling solidarity appears to corroborated in this situation, however, as the authors point out, some siblings may not feel having a partner or an emotionally poor relationship are reasons to give less care. In this case the other sibling may be providing more care not to help their sibling, but out of necessity to meet their parent's care needs. The authors state in this situation, the sibling would not be providing care due to sibling solidarity, but rather siblings' opportunities. Interesting to me, the characteristics of siblings with jobs, their own children, geographic proximity, seems to be unimportant to an individual child's caregiving. The authors do state that this contradicts previous research where these characteristics were used by children to explain their own caregiving behavior. In conclusion, the author's state, "one's own characteristics are more important than sibling characteristics in the provision of care" (p. 754).

As your parents age, do you think you and your siblings will have solidarity when caring for them? If you have a life partner or an emotionally challenged relationship with your parent, do you think your siblings would be willing to provide more care for your parents? If you are the only daughter, are you willing to provide more care than your brothers? If your parents need more help, do you think your siblings will be willing to provide more care?

Bengtson, V. L., & Roberts, R. E. L. (1991). Intergenerational solidarity in aging families: An example of formal theory construction. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 53, 856-870.



Tolkacheva, N, Groenou M.B., & Tilburg, T. (2010). Sibling Influence on Care Given by Children to Older Parents. Research on Aging, 32, 739-759

Caregiving: Collaboration Among Siblings Providing Care for Older Parents

This study focused on forty focus group participants who felt they equitably cared for their parents with their siblings. The hope was to see what they were doing right, so social workers could then help share their practices with their client's children (Dayton, Neal, Ha, & Hammer, 2003). I think this is an area of assessment that is often over looked when working with older adults. So many of my clients have children helping them, but due to relationship issues among their children the care is often not coordinated. Is policy too focused on individuals?

I had two home visits yesterday that illustrated how different your clients' supports can be from their children. One visit was with a couple and their son and daughter were present. They appeared to be very supportive and worked collaboratively to help care for their aging parents. I even overheard them say they needed to call their other brother to make sure he was aware of their parent's situation. On my second visit, my client told me she does not have any contact with a son who lived the closest, her other son lived in another state and her third son was incarcerated. Unfortunately, she was left with very little support from her three sons, so has to pays privately for much of her help.

There were two methods of collaboration that stood out from the participants' discussion. The first was taking turns. There was not one specific way they took turns, but there were a number of different turn-taking strategies that they developed. One strategy was to divide up the time spent caring for a parent or parents evenly among the siblings.  For instance, one participant in the study described how she and her sisters spent the same amount of hours a week caring for their father, so their mother could get some respite time. The second strategy of turn-taking was to trade off on caregiving responsibilities over time. An example given by one participant was how she and her siblings planned to rotate primary caregiving for their father on a three week rotation. A third turn-taking strategy was to divide the primary caregiving tasks between a few of the siblings and the other siblings could be called as a backup. This approach worked well when there were many of siblings and not all the siblings lived close to their parents.


The second method used by caregiving siblings was division of labor by tasks and/or expertise. These siblings divided care based on capabilities or preferences of each sibling. I see this method a lot with my clients. For instance, I have a client who has two daughters and a son. One handles all of her finances, one is a RN, so manages the client's medications and getting her the appropriate medical care. Her son is often the one who helps with grocery shopping and taking her to appointments since he is the only sibling who is retired. With this method the siblings have a clear idea and feeling of competence for their area(s) of responsibility.

So what component did these siblings use to decide on the best method for them to equitably care for their parent(s)? The first component was redefining the caregiving system. For some of the siblings this meant changing their thoughts from being the primary caregiver for their parent(s) to realizing they needed to be part of a caregiving system with their siblings. The second component was that the siblings truly enjoyed each others company and made every effort to spend time together. The third component was sitting down with all the siblings and their parent(s) and developing a plan before a crisis occurred. The final component in successful caregiving was the involvement of their parent(s) and either through the initiation of the parents themselves for by their children making sure their wishes were known and they had a say in their care.

One of the study participants described how her mother arranged her estate plans before becoming ill. Her mother's careful planning has made it easier for her daughters to work collaboratively to care for her. Her mother had actually specifically planned on compensating her children for their care. She specifically stated what caregiving behaviors would be compensated to reduce the potential for conflict among her children. Now that is LOVE! What responsibility does a parent have to ensure the least amount of conflict between their children when they need their care? What planning can they do ahead of time to ensure their is the least amount of conflict or hurt feeling among their children? Some things I can think of includes: Living wills, POA designated, burial plans in place, will, and most of all open communication between all of their children, so they all know their wishes and there does not appear to be any favoritism. If you have siblings, have the decisions and actions of your parents made it easier for you and your siblings to work collaboratively to meet their needs? Over the holidays, do you feel comfortable starting this conversation with your parents and siblings?


I really enjoyed how this article focused on the best practices and positive effects of collaboration between siblings. How refreshing! As funding for formal systems, such as Medicare or tax levies continues to grow tighter,  I feel professionals who work with older adults are going to need to be more creative and help our client's informal support systems work more collaboratively together. Especially if the goal of everyone is to keep the older adult at home and out of  institutional care. 


(Dayton, Neal, Ha, & Hammer, 2003)

(Dayton et al., 2003)

Dayton, B. I., Neal, M. B., Ha, J.H., & Hammer, L. B. (2003). Collaboration Among Siblings Providing Care for Older Parents. Journal of Gerontological Social Work, 40(3), 51-66

Remarriage in Later Life: Older Women's Negotiation of Power, Resources and Domestic Labor

I spent this past weekend at Lake Barkley in southwestern Kentucky, where I witnessed one of my roommates from college marrying her soul mate at the age of 37. This is for both of them their first marriage. They have an interesting story, they briefly dated when they were around age 21 and just reunited on Facebook six months ago. My friend has traveled the world on her own and as a Peace Corps and AmeriCorps VISTA volunteer. She has her master's degree and has been able to support herself working in various state parks and in state government raising awareness of environmental issues through education. She moved to Maryland where her new husband lives and when I asked her if she has had any luck finding environmental work there she said they are planning on starting a family and they plan on her staying home to raise their children. 

This past weekend, I talked to a lot of girlfriends from college who once supported themselves and had careers helping to make the world a better place (i.e. studying decreasing frog populations & educating the public on water conservation). As soon as they had their first child, they put their careers on hold. I have done the same thing. They are now stay-at-home moms who have chosen traditional gender roles, such as raising their children and taking care of the domestic chores (I would like to say this is all our "choice," but there are societal factors, such as the cost and quality of day care available). At the wedding, the moms were running after the children and most of the dads were sitting in lawn chairs at the top of the hill. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with this or we would want it any other way, but I have to wonder what will be the long-term costs of giving up our careers in our thirties to raise our children and to make sure our homes run smoothly? I can already foresee lower salaries and delaying retirement.


This article discusses marital satisfaction for a small sample of 24 women aged 52-90. Through in-depth interviews the women discuss how their often troubled first marriages compare with their second marriages which took place after age 50. Some of the women were divorced from their first husband and some were widowed. 

So what contributed to a happy first and/or second marriage? 

• The women who were able to contribute to the marriage socially, materially and their labor was appreciated by their spouses. 
• The women who felt the household chores were divided more equitably and there was a balanced power distribution. 

I had a very difficult time understanding why the author felt these two marriages were comparable at all. The women's first marriages were so different from their second simply because of the stress of caring for children (I wish the author had discussed how many children the women cared for).  As Clarke (2005) states, "The absence of child-rearing responsibilities in later life may have fostered the appearance of greater equality between the spouses in the later life marriage as compared with first marriages as there were fewer domestic and child-related tasks to fulfill" (p. 39). Since most of the women during their first marriage were probably caring for children, this automatically increased their financial dependence on their spouses and responsibility for the household chores, especially given the historical time.

Being a stay-at-home mom can really be a thankless job and can really mess with your self-esteem, which I feel made some of these womens' first marriages more "unhappy." When they remarried in their 50's they were back in the work place supporting themselves and were not as dependent on their second spouse for support. They weren't socially isolated at home, sleep deprived, covered in spit-up and doing laundry with a screaming infant and toddler like they may have been during their first marriage. They felt more equal to their second spouse and felt more comfortable demanding more equitable distribution of household chores. 


The paper uses the concepts of "marriage culture" and "divorce culture." Clarke states that since the 1970's we have entered into a divorce culture, where divorce is a more socially acceptable option. I'm glad that society does not judge divorcee's as harshly as in the past. However,  I hope my marriage and those of my friends can endure these tough years when we are raising our children. We may not be the once professionally successful, money, and pension earning women we once were. I hope our husbands don't forget that once we didn't need them to financially support ourselves and and once we were doing more worldly things than changing dirty diapers. Our time will come again, but until then I am grateful that we have the choice to be able to stay home and raise our little ones.


Hurd Clarke, L. (2005). Remarriage in later life: older women's negotiation of power, resources, and domestic labor. Journal of Women and Aging, 17(4), 21-41.

Caregiving: Gendered stories of parental caregiving among siblings

This study included a small sample of eight pairs of siblings. The pairs included one brother and one sister  per pair. Each sibling pair was caring for at least one aging parent.  The researchers of this study did not focus on one primary caregiver, but wanted to interview a brother and sister sibling pair. The researchers wanted to find out more specifics on how adult children and their parents use gender to divide care responsibilities. Data were collected by face-to-face interviews with each sibling.

Almost ninety-five percent of  the 16 respondents worked full-time and their average age was 47. Eight were currently married, six were divorced and two were never married. All had children except three and 63% had children over 18. All had at least a high school diploma and most had a bachelors or masters degree. A majority of respondents had a comfortable income. Six of the pairs cared for their aging mother, one for their aging father and only one pair cared for their aging mother and father. Six parents lived alone and the other two parents lived with a child or a spouse. Two of the parents needed help with activities of daily living  (ADLs) and all needed help with instrumental activities of daily living (IADLs).  

Not surprising to me, the sisters in all sibling pairs took responsibility for coordinating parental care. Interestingly, the authors compare this to the research done on husband and wives. Even if the household tasks are completed equally between husbands and wives, they still find that wives determine what needs done and when.

They did find that in this study four of the brothers perform more traditional roles, such as managing yard work and fixing things around the house and were defined as helper-brothers. The helper-brothers are similar to husbands who assume more of a traditional role for care of their children. The women are responsible to "do it all." The brothers only lend a hand to help if asked and told what and how to do something for their parents.

The remaining four brothers divided up the care more equitably and were defined as co-provider brothers.
The co-provider brothers are active in the care for their parents. The brothers are willing to take on responsibilities that cross traditional gender roles to help his sister and parents. Their sisters also expressed a willingness to share the responsibility to care for their parents together. These brothers also cited having flexible work and family obligations.


Despite some brothers taking on more care for their parent(s), all the sisters provided a wider variety of care for their aging parents and the care provided was gender-specific. The sisters did more "women's work," such as house work and meals preparation and the brothers were responsible for the "men's work," such as yard work and repairs. Women spent more time caring for their parents then their brothers. I never thought about this, but the author's discussed how much more time consuming and never ending the tasks the sister's would perform would be. For instance, laundry and dishes are never ending, but cutting the grass can be done once every couple of weeks.

Another difference between the sisters and brothers that the study showed was how the sisters' planned and thought about their parents' future care. They were more likely to know about their  finances and what level of care they could afford. The brothers were more likely to wait until a crisis occurred and didn't want to make decisions for their parents.  Planning for their parent's futures is part of the sister's coordination of care responsibilities. 

This division of care was mostly unplanned. Interestingly, many of the sibling pairs did not acknowledge that gender played a role in the care they provided to their parents. Another reason given for following gender roles is requests from their parents. A parent from this older generation may be more uncomfortable asking her son to do what was considered "women's work" to her cohort.

I felt immense respect for the sisters who stood up for themselves and said "No" to being the primary caregiver for their parents. They demanded their brothers actively participated and assigned responsibilities. One sister, Phyllis, discussed having to place "limits on her own contributions to care and demanded that her brothers helped." While this was a small sample and it is difficult to make generalizations to all caregivers, I felt it was not irresponsible to say gender plays a huge role in parental caregiving. I hope more women will be like Phyllis and learn to say "No" when it comes to caring for aging parents. It's only fair, more women are working full-time . If we do not start getting more help from the men in our lives, the increased stress is going to have a negative affect on our mental and physical health. If we are aren't here, who's going to coordinate the care of everyone? (Hequembourg & Brallier, 2005)


Hequembourg, A, & Brallier, S. (2005). Gendered stories of parental caregiving among siblings. Journal of Aging Studies, 19,  53-71

Sexual Function and Aging in Racially and Ethnically Diverse Women

This cross-sectional study had a very large sample size compared to the studies in our previous readings. Approximately 2,000 women participated in this study investigating sexual function and aging. These women were already part of a cohort study looking at risk factors for urinary tract dysfunction in middle-aged and older women at the Kaiser facility. The Kaiser facility is an integrated medical care facility in Northern California. The participants had to be between 45 and 80 years old at the time of their study visit. They had to be enrolled in the Kaiser study since the age of 24 and had at least half of their childbirths at the Kaiser facility. Women of nonwhite race or ethnicity were oversampled and 20% of the women had diabetes.

Data were collected using self-administered questionnaires and in-person interviews. Sexual activity was not confined to vaginal intercourse, but included any behavior that was arousing. Women were asked if they had sexual activity in the last three months and how often. Sexual partners may have been men, women, both men and women, and never had sex with a man or woman. Women who indicated no sexual activity in the last three months were asked to give a reason why, such as lack of a partner, no interest, physical problems with their partner or themselves.

The average age of the participants was 57. More than half were non-whites. 19.6% were black, 17.6% Latina, and 18.5% were Asian women. Some of the findings included:

• African American women were more likely to report a moderate sexual desire or interest compared to white women. 
• Women were less likely to report at least a moderate desire if older or postmenopausal. 
• If the cohort of women were moderately sexually satisfied then they had a stronger sexual desire or interest in sex. 
• Nearly 60% of women reported some sexual activity in the last three months.
• For those women who had not had sexual activity they reported it was due to lack of interest in sex followed by lack of a sexual partner. 
• Married women or living as married were more likely to report weekly sexual activity. 
• Health problems and household income did not appear to affect sexual desire or interest. 
• Expectations about sex may change as you age. 

This study along with our other readings and the film, "Use it or lose it" prove to our youth oriented society that older women remain interested in and are having sexual relations. As we discussed in class, this knowledge needs to become more mainstream, so education can be done with these older adults on safer sexual practices.

Huang, A., Subak, L., Thom, D., Van Den Eeden, S., Ragins, A., Kuppermann, M., et al. (2009). Sexual function and aging in racially and ethnically diverse women. Journal of the American Geriatrics Society, 57(8), 1362-1368.

Lavendar and Gray: A Brief Survey of Lesbian and Gay Aging Studies

This article discusses the small body of research that discusses gay and lesbian issues. This article was written in 1991. The author discusses that there seemed to be the lack of information and interest in this area of gerontology, except by gay gerontologists. Since 1991, I hope gay and lesbians issues have not continued to be overlooked by gerontologists.

Aging Gay Men

Here is an overview of some of the themes discussed regarding older gay men:

• Sex remains important for gay men regardless of age. 

• Older gay men have had to cope with abandonment or conflict with their families their entire lives. 

• Older gay men describe conflict and brutality by law enforcement and other forms of institutional discrimination from the medical community. 

• How military service can negatively impact a gay man's ability to be comfortable with his gay identity. (What impact has the "Don't ask, Don't tell" policy had on gay men in the military? When was that policy implemented?)

• Denial of being gay, especially as a young man. Many of the men had been married. Can you imagine  going through the eight stages of the family life cycle while hiding your true self to those you love? 

• Many of the older gay men discussed having difficulty finding a long-term partner. 

• History of heavy drug and alcohol use.Is this an outcome of denial?

• Older gay men may be more comfortable being gay in our society after a lifelong inner struggle with self-acceptance than younger gay men.

• Many older gay men had gay male friends their own age. However, those with younger gay male friends appeared to have adjusted better to getting older. 

• Some gay men interviewed felt they experienced age discrimination by younger gay men. 

• There is a strain between older gay men who do not understand the young gay movement or how their lifestyle choices are portrayed in larger society. 

One of the issues that struck me while reading this article was when the referenced studies or the papers  were done. The author didn't reference any work past 1989. What affect would HIV and AIDS have on the older gay men interviewed for these referenced works? It wasn't until 1984 and 1986, years after the first reports of disease, researchers discover and name the viruses that are the precursor to AIDS, HIV-1 and HIV-2 (CDC, 1998). By 1989, 1 million persons in the United States were infected with human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) (CDC, 1990). I'm just surprised even though, it was early in the HIV/AIDS epidemic that the topic wasn't discussed.
 

Aging Lesbians 

Here is an overview of some of the themes discussed regarding Aging Lesbians:  

• Older lesbians may still deny they are gay even though they are in a same sex relationship. 

• Older lesbians in a relationship don't play roles. The author is surprised by this due to butch/femme roles (Do you think these were common terms to describe lesbians in 1989? They seem very derogatory to me.) in pre-movement days. 

• Older lesbians face discrimination by institutions, especially the medical establishment. 

• Strong friendship ties replaced weak kinship ties.  These friendships were helpful to successful aging.

• Sex remains important for lesbian women regardless of age. 

• Older lesbians realize they are in a minority group and face much discrimination. They realized the important of having wills in place since their relationships are not legally recognized.  

• Traditional senior programs do not meet their needs and there is a fear of discrimination.

 At the end of the article, the author discusses how the studies she discusses tries to paint a different image of the lonely gay man and lesbian. One theme that came up from both men and women was feeling more comfortable with who they are as they get older and less denial of being gay or a lesbian. I hope young gay men and lesbians today don't have to wait until they are older to have this comfort level to be themselves.


Cruikshank, M. (1991). Lavender and grey: A brief survey of lesbian and gay aging studies. In J. A. Lee (ed.), Gay midlife and maturity, (p. 77-87). Binghamton., NY: Haworth. 


Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. October 1998. Human Immunodeficiency Virus Type 2.  Retrieved from:
http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/resources/factsheets/hiv2.htm


Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. February 1990.  Current Trends Estimates of HIV Prevalence and Projected AIDS cases: Summary of a Workshop, October 31-November 1, 1989.
Retrieved from:

http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/00001564.htm

Daughters-in-law and Mothers-in-Law Seeking Their Place Within the Family: A Qualitative Study of Differing Viewpoints

After reading this article, I wonder how much more pressure society can place on women? The author's state that women are the kinkeepers between generations. As a kinkeeper we are suppose to create bonds and maintain traditions for both our family of origin and our family of procreation. Is that all? Oh, my gosh what role do the men in the family have with fulfilling this role? It would be very difficult to fulfill this societal expectation if you do have conflict wit your in-laws.

I have to say, I'm fortunate. I have an awesome mother-in-law. We have a lot of the same interests, which has helped. I also think it helps that she lives seven hours away and she did not have a very nice mother-in-law, so I'm sure to an extent she is mindful of her actions towards me. However, she is also a very kind, capable, independent and fun person whom I have a lot of respect for. At Thanksgiving a few years ago,  my mom, aunt, and a friend of the family were talking about some of their worst experiences with their mother-in-laws.  I could tell there was still a lot of pain even though it had been decades since these incidents occurred. It was interesting to see how the three of them bonded over this common experience and I'm glad I didn't have anything to contribute to the conversation.

The sample was small in this study. They interviewed 23 daughters-in-laws and 19 mothers-in-laws using   focus groups or one-on-one interviews. Not surprising to me, all of them entered this new role thinking it would be a positive experience. However,  there was some trepidation the mothers-in-laws and daughters-in-laws expressed that they didn't completely trust the relationship. Why? I'm assuming that means they felt one event or one misinterpreted action by either of them could create conflict.

This article discusses how vulnerable a mother-in-law may feel when her son gets married, especially if she doesn't have a good relationship with her daughter-in-law. She may fear losing her son and at the same time fear that she may not be able to see her grandchildren as often as she wants. Do you think "children marry" could be a stage to add to the the family life cycle?  I think this is a significant enough transition that affects both the children and parents.

The researchers discuss previous research that showed how a woman may become closer to her own family of origin, especially once she has had a child. This could leave her husband's family feeling left out. I hope I'm not in this situation one day since I have a son. A friend of mine, who has a boy and a girl, recommended that my spouse and I try for a another child, with the hopes of having a girl, so that we will have someone to take care of us when we get older. She said, "Boy's leave home and don't look back." I told my friend, there is never a guarantee that your children will take care of you as you get older even if you have a girl. I see that every day in my work with older adults.

What about the daughter-in-law who is adjusting to being a wife, part of a new family, developing her independence from her family of origin and maybe becoming a mother, too? She has a lot of fear of not being accepted by her new family and as the study participants discussed , they were just as sensitive and insecure as their mothers-in-laws. I think that society puts so much pressure on both women to get along for the best of the family. It's an unfair situation for both woman to be in. As the study says both women are extremely vulnerable, especially if a conflict does arise.



Families are complicated and as this study shows the relationship between a daughter-in-law and mother-in-law is one of the more complicated family roles and greatly affects the rest of the family. Doesn't all conflict appear to go back to having open communication and having some empathy for the other person's situation?  The painful events the study participants discussed are probably the same types of experiences my loved ones talked about on Thanksgiving. It is so sad and hurtful when you don't feel accepted and loved. Unfortunately, in a lot of situations the other person is probably oblivious to how they may have hurt you and did not do it intentionally. If women are the kin keepers between generations having a negative in-law relationship can affect a family for generations.

 
Turner, M., Young, C., & Black, K. (2006). Daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law seeking their place within the family: a qualitative study of differing viewpoints. Family Relations, 55(5), 588-600.

Intimacy, commitment, and adaptation: Sexual relationships within long-term marriages

Since the 28 study participants were living in the U.K. here's a little bit of British slang for fun: 

So, your a tidy (handsome) young man and it's Saturday night in England. You go out on a bender (drinking session) with friends. While out you chat up (make conversation with someone of the opposite sex with the intention of endearing yourself to them) a tart (party girl) you fancy (like) with hopes that you get to go home and give her a nice snog (kiss) and a shag (have sex).

Does the United Kingdom, especially the English, have a reputation for being a bit too reserved about sex? Do Americans and the French feel the British are not comfortable with the topic of sex? The authors of the study admit that the study of sexual relationships in long-term marriage has been neglected in the U.K. Why? Do the British think older adults stop having sex once a couple gets past a certain age?

While the authors give credit to American studies in this area, I think Americans are just as guilty as the British of not thinking that older adults are sexually active. It may also be the fact that not many people are comfortable discussing sex (me included). Of course, the gross factor enters into the situation when people are forced to admit that their aging parents and grandparents are still sexually active. I remember talking to one of our senior center managers when I worked in Kentucky. I encouraged her to put on a training by the Health Department on AIDS/HIV. I will never forget her reaction. She looked at me in disgust and said, "these people don't have sex." I replied, "Oh yes they do and since they did not come of age during the onset of HIV/AIDS,  they probably didn't attend or pay attention to the whole awareness programs stuff.  They are probably not using condoms and putting themselves and their partners at risk." So, I'm glad to see this study being performed to raise the U.K public's awareness that older adults do have sex.  It is probably going on here in the U.S., too. 

The study had 28 participants, age 50-86 years, who had been in "happy" long-term marriages for a minimum of 20 years and were still engaging in sexual relationships (what a surprise!).  Now, the sexual relationship may have changed over the years. Six of the participants were no longer able to have intercourse due to health issues and had to redefine what "sex" meant to them as a couple. They can still be intimate by cuddling, kissing and showing physical affection other ways. The participants who were in long-term marriages still felt sex was beneficial to their marriages. Some of the benefits included showing love, trust, respect and increased self-esteem.

The article discusses how sexual relationships change over the course of a long-term marriage, but as the study participants discuss, it is still a very important part of the relationship. Some of the changes were due to life transitions, such as childbearing or health issues that arise as the couple ages. The study participants also discuss positive changes that occur in long-term marriages as the couple learns each other's likes and dislikes and the familiarity that comes with a long-term marriage.

One area where there appears to be a lot of unanswered questions was the affects of a couple spending their leisure time together and especially increased time together once a couple retires. The authors alluded that when couples can spend more time together that it may be just as rewarding to them as sex. They also discussed a previous study that found when couples spent more time together that they had more sex. 

This study is a first step for the U.K. to start studying sex and older adults. It would be nice to see a study interviewing a larger more diverse sample, both partners in a marriage, and older adults who are single. The authors also admit that all of the couples reported being in happy marriages, I wonder what happens in an unhappy marriages? This study is so small, it would not be appropriate to generalize the study's results to all older adults.


Hinchliff, S., & Gott, M. (2004). Intimacy, commitment, and adaptation: Sexual relationships within long-term marriages. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 21(5), 595-609. 

British Slang and definitions found at: http://septicscompanion.com/showcat.php?cat=sex

An introduction to Social Gerontology: Life Course Framework

As I stated in my last blog, the eight stages of the family development theory have been debated for years. Other theorists expanded or decreased the stages and some questioned or supported its ability to be tested. Some theorists decided to abandon the eight stages of the family development theory and instead adopted the life course perspective. (Bengston & Roberts, 1991).

I believe that if any of you are Gerontology majors here at Miami, you should be well versed in the life course  perspective.  This is the approach that most social gerontologists use.  The life course perspective recognizes that an individual's behavior and development is based on biological processes, psychological, social, historical and economic factors.

One concept used in the life course perspective by social gerontologists are age norms. Age norms are unspoken age-specific roles or behaviors expected by society.  For instance, most individuals graduate from high school at eighteen and are then expected to go to college, enter the military or start working.

Life course framework is an approach to the study of aging that emphasizes the choices you make, the opportunities you are given, historical events, and the effect of early life experiences in determining your life course. In my own life course, I followed most age norms until I marred later at thirty-one and became a mother at thirty-four.  I never really planned on getting married or having a child. It was never a priority for my cohort of friends. In fact, most of my friends were married and had a child after I did. We enjoyed being single, traveling, spending time with friends, and working hard to support ourselves.

When I met my spouse, at twenty-nine, it started a series of unexpected, but wonderful transitions in my life  Transitions are role changes or as we discussed in class, new chapters. We dated for a year, became engaged, started living together, married when I was thirty-one, and we had our first child when I was thirty-four. We went through all the following clear transition points: courted, engagement, marriage, and birth of first child (Quadagno, 2008). As I went through those transitions one of the biggest turning points was a new focus on being a mom rather than focusing on my career. Since my son was born, I have primarily worked part-time or was a stay-at-home mom. Trajectory is a series of of transitions. As we discussed in class, turning points are changes or new trajectories. Working part-time or the time I was a stay-at-home mom was a huge turning point or new trajectory for me since so much of my identity was always tied to my work.

Age appears to be a very important aspect of applying the life course perspective. The Quadagno article talks about how this theory borrows traditions from different disciplines, such as anthropology.  One tradition discussed is age stratification theory. The life course theory has adopted this theory's use of age to study social interaction and assigning status, the timing of role changes and age-related consequences, and how someone's biology and when someone experiences role changes can be altered by historical events. The life course perspective has also adopted age grading which is common in anthropology. Age grades use a person's age to categorizes them into a group.


In my own life course, I followed most age norms until I marred later at thirty-one and became a mother at thirty-four. However, these decisions were right for me. My spouse and I would be in a different situation if we had our son earlier. However, most of society would feel I married and had a child too late and may have a negative impact on my life course. Time will tell if these choices will find me stressed out in my forties when my son will be a teenager and I may be caring for aging relatives. My spouse and I also worry about saving for retirement while paying for my son's college degree.


I appreciate the benefits of using the life course perspective. It was a very easy theory to apply to my life course. I can see how my biology, the time I'm living in, the choices I have made, the opportunities I have been given and how my early life experiences have affected my development and behavior and will continue to do so. 

Bengtson, V. L., & Roberts, R. E. L. (1991). Intergenerational solidarity in aging families: An example of formal theory construction. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 53, 856-870.

Quadagno, J. (2008). Aging & the life course: An introduction to social gerontology. Fourth edition. Boston, MA: McGraw-Hill. [pp. 50-54, 56-60]

Excerpts taken from Exam I.