Intimacy, commitment, and adaptation: Sexual relationships within long-term marriages

Since the 28 study participants were living in the U.K. here's a little bit of British slang for fun: 

So, your a tidy (handsome) young man and it's Saturday night in England. You go out on a bender (drinking session) with friends. While out you chat up (make conversation with someone of the opposite sex with the intention of endearing yourself to them) a tart (party girl) you fancy (like) with hopes that you get to go home and give her a nice snog (kiss) and a shag (have sex).

Does the United Kingdom, especially the English, have a reputation for being a bit too reserved about sex? Do Americans and the French feel the British are not comfortable with the topic of sex? The authors of the study admit that the study of sexual relationships in long-term marriage has been neglected in the U.K. Why? Do the British think older adults stop having sex once a couple gets past a certain age?

While the authors give credit to American studies in this area, I think Americans are just as guilty as the British of not thinking that older adults are sexually active. It may also be the fact that not many people are comfortable discussing sex (me included). Of course, the gross factor enters into the situation when people are forced to admit that their aging parents and grandparents are still sexually active. I remember talking to one of our senior center managers when I worked in Kentucky. I encouraged her to put on a training by the Health Department on AIDS/HIV. I will never forget her reaction. She looked at me in disgust and said, "these people don't have sex." I replied, "Oh yes they do and since they did not come of age during the onset of HIV/AIDS,  they probably didn't attend or pay attention to the whole awareness programs stuff.  They are probably not using condoms and putting themselves and their partners at risk." So, I'm glad to see this study being performed to raise the U.K public's awareness that older adults do have sex.  It is probably going on here in the U.S., too. 

The study had 28 participants, age 50-86 years, who had been in "happy" long-term marriages for a minimum of 20 years and were still engaging in sexual relationships (what a surprise!).  Now, the sexual relationship may have changed over the years. Six of the participants were no longer able to have intercourse due to health issues and had to redefine what "sex" meant to them as a couple. They can still be intimate by cuddling, kissing and showing physical affection other ways. The participants who were in long-term marriages still felt sex was beneficial to their marriages. Some of the benefits included showing love, trust, respect and increased self-esteem.

The article discusses how sexual relationships change over the course of a long-term marriage, but as the study participants discuss, it is still a very important part of the relationship. Some of the changes were due to life transitions, such as childbearing or health issues that arise as the couple ages. The study participants also discuss positive changes that occur in long-term marriages as the couple learns each other's likes and dislikes and the familiarity that comes with a long-term marriage.

One area where there appears to be a lot of unanswered questions was the affects of a couple spending their leisure time together and especially increased time together once a couple retires. The authors alluded that when couples can spend more time together that it may be just as rewarding to them as sex. They also discussed a previous study that found when couples spent more time together that they had more sex. 

This study is a first step for the U.K. to start studying sex and older adults. It would be nice to see a study interviewing a larger more diverse sample, both partners in a marriage, and older adults who are single. The authors also admit that all of the couples reported being in happy marriages, I wonder what happens in an unhappy marriages? This study is so small, it would not be appropriate to generalize the study's results to all older adults.


Hinchliff, S., & Gott, M. (2004). Intimacy, commitment, and adaptation: Sexual relationships within long-term marriages. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 21(5), 595-609. 

British Slang and definitions found at: http://septicscompanion.com/showcat.php?cat=sex